They had been warned about terrorism, blizzards, avalanches, frostbite and altitude sickness. But no one could have predicted the real hardships they would face: loss of libido, a documentary crew let by an obsessed German philosopher, an absurd love triangle and chronic flatulence: nor could they have foreseen the litany of injuries and disasters that would befall the expedition: malaria, bronchitis, giardia, piles, a ripped shoulder, cracked ribs, hypothermia, pregnancy and a frozen bottle of red wine.